Adolescence
by xiao-lanlan
Summary: What exactly does being a teenager mean to Samantha Puckett? Who is she? What does she want? She tells this through her point of view while sitting in her jail cell.


**A/N: Don't kill me! D: Haha. This is kind of short but it came into my head, I know she is a bit out of character but understand that it was needed for this to work.**

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**Adolescence **

_One shot_

**by: Aimie**

_Who am I?_ I am a teenage girl. _What do I want out of life?_

I have no idea.

I have loved passionately and I have seen things I probably should not have seen. I have cried and laughed and done all the things a teenage girl should be doing. I am normal, well whatever one can define as normality. I have no regrets, I am like everyone else. No matter how much I think I am different and I stand out the truth is I am just one in the crowd. There are things special about me but then again there are things special about everybody. Some have realized it and some still think their lives suck. Luckily, I am passed the "my life sucks" phase and let me tell in some aspects my life has sucked. I am not going to sit here and tell bore you with a stupid reason as to why my life has sucked. I do not have a sob story.

Let me tell you what has not happened to me. I have not been raped, tortured, kidnapped and attacked by wild sharks. Nor have I been abused by my father or watched that kind violence in my household. I am going to tell you that I have made my life, in that certain respect suck. I have been unhappy with myself and with others for quite a number of years. You could say that it is in my nature to be defensive against people that make me the least bit uncomfortable. My father walked out on my mother I when I was five years old. I remember waving to him thinking that he would come back from work but that was not the case. My father never came back.

But like I said this isn't a sob story and to be honest, I could care less about that man. My mother did not dedicate her life to alcohol like in common stories nor did she cry endlessly for days. She took it like the strong woman she has always been and moved on. My mother is crazy, she screams at cats so it is intimidating to be around her most of the time.

No, not because she beats me. She wouldn't dare put a finger on me.

My mother is a great woman who apart from her laziness and cat screaming skills works hard to keep me alive. Sure, she does not bring food most of the time and I go to Carly's for some food she is still someone I sort of look up to.

I have no reason to be as angry as I am with the world. I have no reason to get myself in trouble, beat up Gibby and go to jail. I also do not deserve what I have.

I don't deserve a best friend like Carly.

I don't deserve to be with that idiot Freddie.

And I don't deserve the life I live.

People have been through worse and happy. So tell me, why the hell can't I be happy? I'm not emo, I do not cut my wrists because that would be a stupid thing to do.

Sure, I'm unhappy but that does not mean I have to inflict pain upon myself. In fact, I believe that cutting yourself solves nothing. I would never do that, I live to hurt _others _not myself. My insecurity causes me to inflict pain on _other people. _Not myself. I am far too selfish to be hurting myself. This jail cell is nice; it is not what people usually see in movies. It has a bed, a sink and toilet. Maybe being here won't be so bad. I'll be out soon enough.

Carly told me to learn from my experience. But I know, I know far too well that I will learn my lesson while I am here and regret all that I have done. But it is human nature to forget and go back to the way I was before. People just don't change; their true personalities will always shine through.

Why are human beings so stupid? _I'll never know_.

I'm honest. At least I can give myself that. At least I can be honest with myself while other people spend a lifetime lying to themselves.

I'm mean. I hurt people I love. I do stupid things.

I get it. But I'm only human. I'll change someday when growing up begins to affect me. So far, I haven't begun to grow up. I can easily admit that the voice I speak with isn't my own. There is always a constant battle between my voice and my conscience. Maybe I'm speaking through my conscience right now. Maybe this is all a dream and I'll wake up knowing what I want.

Carly knows exactly what she wants so why don't I? Why don't I know what I need? Why am I so fucking confused?

_**Sigh. **_

Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? Do you remember how badly you wanted to be one? I remember wanting so badly to just be a teenager, so badly to do whatever the hell I wanted and for what? Why did I ask for that? So I could be confused?

Confusion + Sam = Not good.

I hate being confused. Being confused makes me feel vulnerable and makes my defenses go down. I just want answers.

I change my mind constantly. I just want someone to tell me what I want.

I just…

I want someone to tell me that it is going to be alright and I don't wantCarly, Freddie, Spencer or my mother to tell me that. I want you to tell me that.

Dad, tell me it is going to be alright.

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**A/N: Being a teenager means being a war with yourself all the time. You don't know who you are or what you want. Your ideas change rapidly. She says that she's honest. She says that she doesn't care that her father's gone. But that's just Sam. In my Analysis of her character I have found her to think that she is strong but she is actually vulnerable within. Which is why she contradicts herself all the time. **

**Anyways, I have been on a hiatus for the longest time and I might just be ready to come out of my hibernation cave! Look forward to Adelle being finished quite soon!**

**Ciao!~**

**Aimie **


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